Arrows Pointing at Which Direction?

My mind has changed so frequently about what I wanna be when I grow up, that I feel like I'm losing a bit of myself along the way.

Junior year, I wanted to manage bands with a music business major. I love working with local bands and promoting them (The good ones that is). I would set up charity events with a set full of good local bands. I would truely enjoy that as a living. But the thing that set me away from that dream is that I'm a bad business man. I cannot pay attention/even stay awake during business class. So, I guess I let that distract me from being that.

Next, I wanted to be a creative writer. My self esteem was built when my poem I worked so hard on was admitted into the literary magazine. Not only that, but it was the final poem before the book ended. But, then I thought about it and came to a conclusion that it is a tough industry to get heard and that I didn't have any ability that would make my work stand out. Dream destroyed.

Then, I wanted to be a special education helper/teacher. I loved working with kids especially with autism. I had a great friend in middle school who had some mental disabilites. I also was a big support in my elementary school for the NSSEO program. (The special Ed department). But, I don't feel comfortable speaking in front of large groups of people. So I strayed away from that.

Following that, I wanted to be a social worker. I love the one on one interaction with people. I want to fix problems people have and be a constant support. I thought I'd fit well with that since I love knowing what is going on in individuals lives. But, I thought about it and thought that it would be a hard profession to get into and I don't necessarily know if that I would stick out by doing that. So, I buried that as of right now.

THEN! I was so down in the dumps that I didn't know what I wanted to be, that I thought something simple would fit my needs. Like bartending. I would just like to serve others and help them "Loosen up." Also, I thought I would have a foot in the door since I worked at starbucks for two years and already knew how to make coffee drinks. But, I was getting a lot of discouragement from others saying that it isn't a career and that it won't support me. People thought it would be a good side job, but not a good career. And I don't think my parents would be too happy sending their child off to an expensive 4 year private university just so he can be a bartender. Bye Bye dreams of being a bartender.

Right now, I'm focusing on working in recording studios. Some of my heroes and people I look up to (Conor Oberst and Tim Kasher and Mike Mogus) all were a part of Saddle Creek Records in Omaha, Nebraska. I thought I can try this field out. I really want to at least intern at a recording studio, but my dream place would be Saddle Creek. And the only thing prohibiting me from that is the fact that you have to have a major of music and must be heading in that career direction. And I keep beating myself up that I quit my violin because you need to play an instrument to be a music major. And my dad gave my violin away to a family friend and they said that something is wrong with my violin that it would cost a lot of money to fix. So, I'm dwindling on that idea, but it's kinda still with me.

As you can see, my mind likes to screw around with me!

Sam