I wouldn't call this feeling homesickI would call it...a semi permanent departure. I feel split between the life I need to be living and the life I really want to live. Too bad they can't go hand and hand because that would just too damn easy now. The life I need to live is here in Peoria, cooking up my brain with pointless readings and silly essay assignments. The live I want to live is back at home. Its even sad to say but I'd rather be working at Starbucks. Where they pay me for doing work. Not where I have to pay them 30000 a year to just slowly tear me apart.
I don't know where I belong more though. Because both homes drive me crazy in a sense. I love the friends I made here, but everytime the day ends, I just don't feel comfort. But when I'm at home, I feel the comfort of my bed, but I just felt that there was something better for me out there other than wheeling. Like there was some void I need to fill.
Come to think about it, the only place I felt whole and complete was in Arizona. I guess I just really love the mountains and the serenity. I love how everything is spaced out and not crowded and spacious. I love watching the Arizona sunset and watching the stars. I can sometimes even see them shooting. I know the summers are brutal, but the winters are immactualte.
I want my ideal destination to be there. I just want to be there.
Sam
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