"All Eyes on the Calendar, Another Year I Claim of Total Indifference"

In ten minutes, I'll be 19.

I really don't want to be 19. I want to just show the world that I can juggle the responsibilities of an adult, while I still act like a child. I know I will get hundreds of "Happy Birthdays" from people I barely talk to on Facebook, calls on my telephone, text messages, and random hugs. I will appreciate them, honestly I will. But, I don't feel comfortable with my bones aging another year.

I can care less about presents. I will accept them, but they are unneeded. This is no joyous occasion just like it was when I was 7. My birthday will still give me homework. This day is not an oasis. This day is just another day. Another day gone unremembered.

Now there is two minutes left. Two minutes left to be 18.

Sam

My Saddle Creek Fellows

I honestly believe without the bands Bright Eyes, Desaparacidos, Cursive, or the Good Life, I will be going mentally insane at college.

Its hard enough with all the homework related stress and trying to be social and studying for those important exams and writing important papers. They are my neutralizer. Some may call it an obsession, some may call it freaky, some may call it overboard. But I honestly need them every single day in my life. Their songs add up to 354 songs on a playlist and that is the playlist I listen to every single day. I don't know where I'll be without them/to scared to think what I'll be without them.

Thank you...and I mean it....Thank you Bright Eyes, Desaparacidos, Cursive, and The Good Life...hell even the rest of Saddle Creek Records.

Sam

This one is for you, childhood!

My Sickness = Cured

To fight off my sickness, I got an 11 hour night sleep plus a 4 hour nap. So I am pretty well rested. My nose isn't running away anymore and my throat is opening up! Im slowly crawling back to life!

Now I'm ready to finish my sociology paper!!

.....later on

Sam

The Love for my Elders

It's beautiful to see my grandma's reaction when she walked through the front door to find me standing there.

I was the surprise. I came home for her. I wanted to see my grandma recently diagnosed with Dementia light up the room. Yes, I know she drives she drives her children and mostly her husband crazy, but when she sees her grandchildren, everything is like the way it used to be. So I guess you can say that I'm one of the few who can balance her mood swings and I feel lucky.

But the person I worry more about is my grandfather. He is the one waiting hands and knees to every demand my grandma makes. Recently, we hired an aid to help out them so my grandfather doesn't have to work himself dead. But, as helpful as the aid is, grandpa is still doing everything my grandma asks him to. This included a 2 am trip to Walgreens.

I don't want to lose them because I'm afraid if I know they're gonna pass soon, that I will distance myself naturally when I really don't want to. I want to be there for them. I want to call them frequently. I want to show them that I love them instead of always worrying about my work and what I need. I'm afraid they're gonna be gone before I know it. And that thought alone...scares the life out of me.

Sam

What I learned from school:

• Libraries are your friend
• Late night walks are beneficial
• Andrew Argol is a great roommate!
• Sometimes losing your mind is ok.
• That Bright Eyes, Cursive, The Good Life, The Shins, Postal Service, and Modest Mouse are great bands to study to.
• Fridays are not days to do homework
• Always have a study buddy
• Don't sweat that D you got on your Sociology test because that's only worth 8% of your overall grade
• Dinners with Kelly Westra are the best dinners ever!!
• Iphones are great distractions
• Pranks can get you aggrivated but raise your morale at the same time.
• Made me realize that I really miss my good friends at home.
• Doing a bundle of work distracts your mind from incidents you don't really want to think about.

But I still haven't declared a major

Sam

My fear of Failing

All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible.

William Faulkner










Sam

To my 4 followers

I love each of you dearly!

I wish I can give you an electronic present

Sam

My new house

I'd like a bird's eye view of the world. I don't want to know the specifics. I just wanna know the main ideas. I wanna see but not hear.









Much like the view when you are in an airplane and escalate to the point where you see the cars travel like ants moving from anthill to anthill. Up at that height is the place where I'd like to live.




Sam

Angel in the Snow

I'd say make a perfect
Angel in the Snow

All crushed out on the way you are

Better stop before it goes too far

Don't you know that I love you

Sometimes I feel like only a cold still life

That fell down here to lay beside you.

Don't you know that I love you

Sometimes I feel like only a cold still life

Only a frozen still life

That fell down here to lay down beside you.

~Elliot Smith~

Sam

Moving To Arizona

I wouldn't call this feeling homesick

I would call it...a semi permanent departure. I feel split between the life I need to be living and the life I really want to live. Too bad they can't go hand and hand because that would just too damn easy now. The life I need to live is here in Peoria, cooking up my brain with pointless readings and silly essay assignments. The live I want to live is back at home. Its even sad to say but I'd rather be working at Starbucks. Where they pay me for doing work. Not where I have to pay them 30000 a year to just slowly tear me apart.

I don't know where I belong more though. Because both homes drive me crazy in a sense. I love the friends I made here, but everytime the day ends, I just don't feel comfort. But when I'm at home, I feel the comfort of my bed, but I just felt that there was something better for me out there other than wheeling. Like there was some void I need to fill.

Come to think about it, the only place I felt whole and complete was in Arizona. I guess I just really love the mountains and the serenity. I love how everything is spaced out and not crowded and spacious. I love watching the Arizona sunset and watching the stars. I can sometimes even see them shooting. I know the summers are brutal, but the winters are immactualte.

I want my ideal destination to be there. I just want to be there.

Sam

Listen to this Playlist

Listen to:

Texas by Dr. Manhattan

So I Thought by Flyleaf

Meant to Live by Switchfoot

Yea Yeah by Matt and Kim

Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

October by Young Jesus

Red Sam by Flyleaf

False Prestense by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Clothes off by Gym Class Heroes

Daylight by Matt and Kim

Haleigh, Haleigh, A Lie, Haleigh by Bright Eyes

Sam