How Distance Tears the stitches apart

I'd like to think that I wasn't so naive to think that this distance could work out. I wanted it to be realistic so bad, but realities don't really work out do they?

I told you so many times that I constantly think about you, way more than to count. And this is when my trust was built up to maximum capcity. I don't know if I can build it up anymore. My days have been spent reflecting on the summer days where we would lay on your couch watching TV, but in my new reality, the TV is fuzzing and the couch's cotton is diminishing. Even the simple actions are devilish and menacing, I can't stand to think I gave you...me wrapped up in a neatly packed gift. A gift you shoved into the mess you call a room. It's shoved underneath your pile of clothes.

I thought we were great together and no one would be able to influence our judgements. My days were spent wondering what you were up to and your days were spent hiding behind drugs. Hiding behind your feminist friends as a clutch.

Thanks for your kind wishes:

How I should get herpes with the girl I never touched down here.

How I should find myself because I obviously copied every single thing you did.

Thanks for royally fucking me over, and yes I meant every single word I said, when we were fighting and when we were dating.

Sam

Last Full Day In Wheeling

18 years has flown by fast.

I was watching old baby videos yesterday and even though I had feelings to barf every minute due to my dad's impressive "Talent" of video recording, I still wish I can repeat my baby years.

I miss the feeling of someone always changing my diaper every time I crapped in my pants. I miss my parents being able to hold me in their arms without breaking every limb within their skeletal system. I miss not being able to say real words but blayshakuwk is still acceptable. I miss how it is normal for you not to understand the complications of the world and not be labeled as ignorant.

But now I can become a free spirit off on my own adventure in my so called independent life. I'm ready to share a dorm room with someone I've only seen twice. I'm ready to stay up til 4 studying for tests. I'm ready to balance my social, educational, and personal life all in one hand!

But, I'm not ready to leave Wheeling. I'm not ready to leave my friends/girlfriend behind. I'm not ready to leave my sick grandparents behind. I'm not even ready to leave my family behind. I'm not ready to leave my work mates behind. But, what can I say? Nothings gonna stop tomorrow from coming.


Sam

My bike

My bike was bought for me 11 years ago by my grandfather.

It is still the bike I use to this day. I absolutely refuse to give it up. Even though my dad offers to buy me a brand new one, I still refuse.

My bike I feel is one of my most prized possessions. It is my escape. I go on it whenever I'm feeling a strong emotion or just a sudden urge.

And whats even better is putting on giant earphones and blast music while pedaling. Yeah, it might be extremely dumb, but I use my eyes a lot more than my ears. Yes, I have almost been hit by plenty of cars, but none have hit me nor sent me to the ER.

I will ride that bike until the very last pedal

Sam

Long Car Trips

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it very relaxing to go on a 45 minute car ride with your iPod put on shuffle and just sing at the top of your lungs?

That is one way I can clear my mind or at least reflect on current situations. And the beauty of shuffle is that it gives you a whole different moods and memories. For instance, if a Less Than Jake song comes on (which has been popular on my shuffle) then I'm automatically brought back to Warped Tour 2009 when I met my close friends Kris, Kratchy, and Kelly. If a Fall Out Boy song comes on, I automatically skip it and laugh about me liking them waaaaaaay back when. All my artists varies.

And whats absolutely perfect is if you do this at like 1 in the morning down an open road with your windows down and volume up. Yes, I will be deaf by the time I reach 40, but who needs hearing? You wont be able to hear all the crap that's going on in the world.

Sam

Those Damn Hipsters

This weekend really taught me to extremely hate hipsters.

Lollapalooza is a hipster gathering practically. The hipster style really isn't my thing, but before this week, I have accepted the style. But when you put hipsters in one central location, this is when it gets ugly.

Everywhere I turned, I see Jorts (skinny jeans hand cut that usually ends above your knees), V necks, a pair of outrageous sunglasses, worn out shoes...ideally that style I kinda like. But once you put those "Clutsy girls/guys" (as I like to call them) into this style, you just realize, its a growing fad. It's the hip thing! Gag me. It is people like those who murder styles/ life in general. People just wanna dress like everyone else and smoke cigarettes until their lungs turn to ash. They wanna be so self centered and closed minded that they shut everyone "not hipster enough" out of their life because they cannot compare to their coolness.

What I don't understand is that hipsters are supposed to be independent thinkers. What is so independent about being just like every other hipster on the planet? All they do is gather around, talk about some "indie band no one has heard of" and the fall of the American Government. What's so fun about that? The point of a friendship means to do activities that bring simply pleasures to your life. I know I want to talk about how the chorus in MGMT's Kids sounds a little too pop-like, or how American should just fall under the reins of communism. What ever happened to just a simple bike ride to the post office or a friendly game of monopoly.

LETS GO BACK TO THE 90S!!!!


Sam

love

I want love without Lies













Just pure and simple


Sam

As promised

I told my good ol' Friend Joey Cirignani that I would write a blog post about him. I know he might be a little modest about the idea, but he secretly really wants it.

I remember a local Wheeling Show happening around February time when I was not in a very good mood. It happened to be the day after my girlfriend first broke up with me and it fell right after a long 8 hour miserable shift at work. So, I was mentally, physically and verbally worn out at this time. I felt like shit, I felt like a mess. That was the day I remember crying, truely crying in public between two of the greatest enemies in my high school.

I walked in the middle of a Skankenstein set and Joey was saying something to me over the microphone, but I completely ignored him like the asshole I am. Not because I didn't like him or anything, but I just couldn't hear him since my thoughts were blasting my eardrums. And I only met this kid like once or twice before. My mind was outside, focused on 'her' sitting outside besides 'her' ex. This was the first time I saw Skankenstein perform and I was zoning in and out.

After the set, Joey came up to me and wondered if I had heard him, and I told him I didn't. I apologized. I wasn't making sense that day and was out of it. But he was totally understanding and chill about the whole thing. I didn't appreciate this until like 2 weeks after it happened.

That was it for a while. We really didn't talk all that much. That was until that April-ish when I was hanging out with Kayla that she confessed her secret crush on Joey. This is when I really got involved. I became closer friends with Joey and got to know a little bit more about him. That is when I labeled him as the 'perfect-human-this-world-has-ever-seen-so-far.'

I've told him probably my most darkest secrets and personal stories that I have never really told anyone. I realize that he is just a good listener and a fantastic person to relate to. I remember telling him that he is going to be my best man at my wedding. AND I MEAN IT JOEY I WILL FIGHT YOU!

Bottom Line: If you haven't met Joey Cirignani then...well, I'm Sorry. And if you have then I'm sure all of you would agree.

Sam

For the Truckers

Today I was riding my bike and wondering: Why is it that buses have to stop before the train tracks while 18 wheelers don't?

I can see the argument that buses carry several passengers and that it is just a safety precaution to keep everyone safe. BUT, Trucks are (usually) bigger in size and carry important items that supply humans with their everyday needs and wants. Why can't they stop before the tracks? The truck driver and the items are just as important as the passengers on a bus.

Plus, if the tracks bars were to fall down on a bus, the passengers should at least have the smarts to run like hell off of the bus and as far away as possible before the collision time. If that were a truck driver, inanimate objects cannot magically come to life and run away.

Think of all the waste that would create: A waste of money for the items, a waste of time to put those items together, and a waste of a truck driver.

Is it worth all this waste?

Sam

Lately...

I cannot write down in words the emotions I am feeling.

It is a bunch of contradictions morphed into one person. My mood ranges from utterly miserable to optimistically blissful. I'd like to meet in the middle because it'll make me seem sane (somewhat). It's something unexplainable.

Sam

Well the future's got me worried Such awful thoughts
My head's a carousel of pictures
The spinning never stops
I just want someone to walk in front
And I'll follow the leader

~Bright Eyes~

One word responses

If one were really to know the persona of my inner self, that person would know I get peeved whenever anyone gives me one word responses.

mhm

ya

no

:o

:p

All those one worders messes with my mind. Twists and turns it. It makes me think something is wrong. Plus, it is a roadblock to any conversation. If you want a conversation with me, say something worthwhile instead of one worders. Show me you are interested.

Sam

Family Parties

What is it with family parties?

Here's the thing with me: I love each and every one of my family members to death. Really, I sincerely do! But when you put them all together, I always feel like the youngest one there (AKA me) always has the least amount to say.

And even when my family notices that I haven't contributed much to the conversation, they usually force a subject onto me. A very popular forced question: When do you leave for college? Now, I can just say August 21st, but I like to stretch out an answer to make it seem like I have more to say. So, Id usually answer: I leave August 21st, I can't believe it's coming so soon. And just as I thought that would add on to the existing conversation, they just conclude it with a nod or a "I know!" Then they go along to their better conversation, feeling a lot better that they "forcefully helped me join into the conversation."

Maybe I just don't have a lot to relate with my family which is perfectly fine because it's not about what you have to say, but just your presence alone is enough.

Plus, it is always funny to see who can drink the most in one night because everyone gets a little slaphappy towards the end!

Sam